Yeah, that's all there really is to say.
I'm doing better. Much better. Emotionally at least.
Physically, I can still tell my health is declining. My heartburn is worse, migraines more often and more intense. I've never felt stomach pain like this, but aside from all of that, I've never been happier.
I don't know if it is due to being medicated, or what.
I'm laughing again, smiling for no reason. Socializing. All things I was forced to do unless I was with L or E (don't ask, you're not getting their names).
I'd like to say it's because I don't have to worry anymore about which friend is going to the hospital this month, but I know it'll only put me deeper in shit than I already appear to be in.
I've lost friends this semester, for reasons I still don't recall or understand, but I've had worse let downs, and I know I'll survive. Hell, I've lost friends before, watched as they ignored me, cut off all contact with me, simply because I was forced to move. But you know what? I got over it. Sure, I'd like to talk to them again, but I know it won't happen, and I'm fine with that.
At least now I can attempt conversation, and be the bigger person because I'm not completely ignoring someone, or putting my nose up when they walk by.
Yes, I see what's going on. I know what's being said behind my back.
It might not look like I have friends anymore, but I do, and as a result, I have ears where no one thinks I do.
I won't lie, it hurt at first. My face leaked many different fluids, and I spent a week wondering why someone would believe a lie like that. No, I'm not going into what the lie was, simply because like I said earlier, I don't need to be deeper in shit.
But in my opinion, and to my recollection, it was a lie nonetheless.
Now, normally I'm not one to have hope for any friend who betrays me. Once they scorn me, I avoid them like a plague. I haven't done that. In fact, in a way, I have hope that we will be friends some day. There is a recess in my mind, growing larger every day that says it isn't going to happen, but there's still hope there, and for the first time in a long time, I have optimistic feelings. Unrealistic, but optimistic.
Maybe it's because I'm medicated. Maybe it's because I don't want to believe I've lost yet another friend. I mean, she's usually pretty quick to block those who get on her nerves on Facebook or whatever, and she hasn't done that, so maybe she's hoping too?
I don't know.
I'm still in the mindset that i don't want to know.
But for now, that's okay.